http://wmdifferentstrokes.com 

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/wmds 

ED: "Our group began as strictly a munch in April 2000, and is growing in response to the needs of our people - some traveled upwards of 50 miles to attend munches. Unlike in more populated southern N.H., there was no group 'north of Concord' - and no one willing to take that first step. We decided to include two other munches under a loose-knit common management only last November - so we are still in our infancy as far as being a major group."

ED: "In the December issue of Harvard Business Review, they asked many CEO's about leadership characteristics. And while most listed their parents, professors, business mentors, graduate school and military training or the like - more CEO's than you might think said, 'get people who are smarter than you, and encourage them to work together.'"

""Not being a long-term player, this was the only way I could do it. And then when people with the experience and resources came on board, things began to happen. Besides that: having patience, keeping up on current events and visiting other groups. The jazz saxophonist Sonny Rollins came out with somewhat of a retrospective CD last year entitled, 'This Is What I Do.' To me, it sums up why I enjoy doing this work."

ED: "In conjunction with the ME and VT communities - it will become more unified, and not just the poor step-child of the MA, CT and RI part of the New England scene. In fact, NELA (New England Leather Association) had a discussion on this very subject at their Flea in Andover, MA in January. They are also hoping to persuade their national chapter to hold (for the first time) next year's annual convention in Boston. One other proposal by one of the N.H. Seacoast groups is to hold a 'monster munch' in a rented hall someday - so that we could all meet each other on a social basis.

ED: "Our greatest strength - that we cover a wide geographical area that was unserved before - is also our greatest weakness. Our nine board members live a distance from each other, have conflicting work schedules - so meeting is not easy. However, for the person in the North Country who is willing to pitch in and help us - they can become an important part of a group sooner than they would be in a more established group in a densely populated area. We are too new to have established any 'cliques,' yet."

ED: "For the next year, just consolidate what we have. Through discussion, trial and error and feedback, get to know people in the White Mountains and have the group reach a consensus on what we want to be, what activities to sponsor, etc. In fact, if we can get all nine board members in one room at one time, it will be a first.

"Five years is looking far ahead - if we grow too rapidly and geographically, it may be that at some point we may need to carefully split up (the Holy Roman Empire refused to, and did not survive). I also would hope that someone else would be leading this group by then. We just don't have the luxury of looking that deep into the future, at this time.

ED: "Flying blind - spreading the word of the group, and wondering who will show up on a given day. Getting frustrated at first, and then having several people show up all at once. Worrying that if we can't offer lotsa parties at once, that good people will walk away. And in a non-densely populated area, worrying that we won't achieve a 'critical mass.' Fortunately, as in other parts of life, most of your worries never actually materialize."

ED: "To encourage dialogue, hoping that the 'lurkers' will be encouraged to speak, to send out major announcements and the like."

ED: "I have no management position in those groups - however, group leaders are often given invitations to attend other group's functions. I try to attend a few PENE and Rose & Thorn private events a year. In addition, I've been to a munch held by every group in VT & NH - except for one in Windham, NH, and hope to remedy that situation later this spring.

ED: "I've often used the expression 'we're getting almost normal.' When you see all of the TV programs with some form of BDSM aspect (Weakest Link, The Chair, The Chamber), plus a more accepting societal look at sexuality, we will be not be 'under radar' for too much longer. As noted, the Internet brought me to BDSM, not a personal experience. Some have mentioned that the gay community 30 years ago is where we are today. Add to that the appeal that the Goth community has amongst young people, plus (ahem) Jerry Springer - it's not the same.

"The Paddleboro and Quincy Pro-Domme cases shone the spotlight on us more than we might have liked. For some people, that's a thrilling concept. For others, being on the 'island of misfit toys' is a feeling of pride in being different and separate - that may start to slip away.

"I'm unsure how this will turn out in the end. It may be worse, it may be better. It will certainly be different."

ED: "Delicate issue. If we say nothing, then misconceptions and stereotypes persist - some of our people have lost child custody cases in such a vacuum. 'Charges not responded to, are agreed to' is an old adage that we may come out on the short end of.

"If we come out forcefully, we run the risk of being accused of 'recruiting' people (just as gays have been) and we don't want to attract hustlers to our way of life.

"Some in our community do a lot of education, but behind the scenes (EMT's, police, lawyers, etc.) and this, probably, is the best course of action. Not all of us would want our photos on the front page of the local newspaper."

ED: "I discovered this world via the Internet in late 1997, and attended my first munch in the summer of 1998. Before then, I thought this world was limited only to the Hell's Angels. Estelle, who used to run the munch in Nashua, NH, didn't care that I was a rank amateur - and when I saw her at the last Flea I mentioned that, otherwise, I might have just walked away. But I was still pretty much an observer for the first year, just absorbing all that I could by osmosis."

ED: "When my former employer was sold in the autumn of 1999 (and I relocated to the Upper Valley of VT/NH) I had to create a group in this area - or else just give up. I knew how to organize gatherings and events (my high school and college friends lovingly tease me about 'Eddie Events') but for someone with only a year into the lifestyle, it was a baptism of fire - I certainly wouldn't have chosen someone to start a group with that short of a BDSM timeline.

"Looking back, it was the equivalent of hitting the fast-forward on the tape deck. And, but for my being fired, I'd probably be someone purely in the background today. Interesting thought.

ED: "I was nobody's idea of a veteran player. I was living in Salem, NH (about 35 miles NW of Boston) and was able to attend what was - at the time - the only publicly listed munch in New Hampshire (at the Pheasant Lane Mall in Nashua). I was quite nervous, but I found the red-and-black balloons in the food court easily. Estelle, a board member of the Boston Dungeon Society (BDS) ran this event back then, and greeted me as if I were a long-lost friend. No one cared that I was new, either - I found a home.

"But in the summer of 1999, my company was sold and relocated far away. My job search eventually landed a spot at Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center, on the VT/NH border. Several of the munch 'regulars' simply said, 'ED, this is your chance to start your own group in the Upper Valley.' It wasn't my wish, but the alternative - giving up the Scene - was not an option. So, besides Estelle, the fellow at BDS who maintains the list of munches around New England (SubStephen) gave me lots of practical advice and emphasized, 'Start slowly.'"

"This I did in the spring of 2000 - eventually beginning a munch in West Lebanon in April of that year. As it turned out, other groups throughout New Hampshire (in Keene, Manchester, Windham, etc.) wound up starting around the same time. But this I would not find out until later - for all the world, I thought I was a pioneer.

"Besides trying to enlist the help of on-line listings, I placed print ads in the NH Classified Guide and Seven Days (which take alternative ads). A few men asked, 'Hey, what kinda uncollared females ya got?' They were, though, the exception - most people were eager to have an outlet, just only too willing to 'to let George do it' as far as starting one.

"And while it has taken time, it has been rewarding. Comments like 'wow, I didn't think anybody in this area was into this,' or 'nice to know I'm not a freak' are common. Even if inexperienced, if you bring enough good people together, then good things will happen. What you must provide are ambition, work and lots-and-lots of patience. Besides a good feeling, I know I'm a better player as a result of doing this work. So, most likely, will you."

ED: "I was for just over forty years! And in reality, the majority of my life today is (when you count work, family, other friendships, schoolwork, etc.) I know it makes me more accepting of people who are a bit different, I perceive male-female relationships in a whole new way and am more observant of the ways that people demonstrate their inner feelings (and not simply sexuality, either)."

ED: "I use the phrase 'aspiring dom,' as I'm still getting up to speed as a player. I ended the year of 2001 far ahead of where I was at the beginning, yet still not there yet."

ED: "What was (at first) a very daunting task has become easier the more and more I talk and learn from others. Like many enthusiasts in other parts of life, I tried to build Rome in a day - in large measure since I came to this after age 40. After coming to my senses (especially since it wasn't much fun) I am much more happy.

ED: "This lifestyle deals with high-stakes emotions, so I understand tempers can be frayed from time-to-time. That said, I'm still puzzled how people are quick to attack others personally, instead of simply disagreeing with ideas - although that happens elsewhere in society these days, I suppose. In the (nearly) two years that I've been involved in group management, I've yet to have an unkind word said to me (for once, I guess I drew the long straw).

"Then when I see the heavy artillery come out, such as groups disintegrating (and sometimes not over substantive issues) to even stalking I wonder, 'How in the world did it come to this?'"

ED: "'Become a sponge.' Absorb everything you can via books, attend classes, munches, soirees, parties, Flea Markets and conventions. At some point, find a mentor to learn from on a first-hand basis. That's the basic advice. If you volunteer to help manage a group in some way, it will probably shorten the learning curve as it did for me.

ED: "Besides the normal time constraints (work, family, school, other responsibilities) it's overcoming my upbringing. But not, as most have said, due to religion.

"I grew up in a wonderful family - when my folks died twenty years apart, many of our friends specified how much they missed them, too. But it was a very genteel family, with proper ways to behave - never heard a swear word from my parents, never saw them kiss and when I began dating girls, my mother (in the only instance of this) instilled quite a genteel dating etiquette. In later years, it's served me well - yet, it made adapting to BDSM a challenge.

"In addition it was also an egalitarian family, with no gender roles (my cousin Anne is the CEO of a major corporation). BDSM often plays on the gender line, so mine was not a quick or easy conversion. But after several mental debates, it's been rewarding."

ED: "Not from a play perspective - but I do have some macro issues that I speak to others about.

Keep in mind that there is a vanilla world parallel to just about everything that we do. In trying to analyze issues, I often find solutions elsewhere in life.

"Also, that we are only a subset in the 'alternative sexuality' world. When Paddleboro hit the newspapers, the general public sees no difference between us and the vanilla swing party circuit that was broken up in Salem, NH around the same time - we'll be lumped in with them. They may not be our brothers and sisters - but how others are treated will eventually come back to us, as well."

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If you enjoyed this interview, read more SCENEprofiles with BDSM personalities on Sadie's website at www.sensuoussadie.com 

Sensuous Sadie is a BDSM columnist and edits SCENEsubmissions, a free e-newsletter. She is the founder and leader (1999 - 2001) of Rose & Thorn, Vermont's first BDSM group. Comments, compliments and complaints, as well as requests for reprinting can be addressed to her at SensuousSadie@aol.com or visit her website at www.sensuoussadie.com.  Sadie believes the universe is abundant and that sharing information freely is part of this abundance, so she allows reprints of her writing in most venues.

Copyright 2002