***This is less a story and more an essay on Fantasies. I hope everyone enjoys it. Please feel free to post any feed back in the guest book.

It is a part of being human to have fantasies, be they sexual or of another nature. Fantasies serve a very good purpose they allow us a chance to explore things that we might never explore, they can be an outlet from the boredom of life and sometimes they do nothing more then serve to give us some from of release. The idea of living out ones fantasies can be thrilling & frightening all at once. I doubt many people ever get the courage to live out their fantasies but I would venture to guess that those of us in the BDSM lifestyle are more likely to try them, then the rest of the world. In fact they already have just by living as BDSMer’s.

When we live out fantasies we take a big chance, will the act turn out to be a disappointment or will it surprise us and be more then we could have hoped for? These questions must be considered before embarking on fantasy actualization. There also must be other things taken into consideration. What is the goal of this fantasy? Is this a physical fantasy or is it more an emotional one? Who will participate in the actualization of the fantasy? And if the fantasy turns out differently then expected, how then is that dealt with. These questions might not be discussed directly between the individuals but still should be considered, by whom ever is planning on guiding the fantasy.

Recently in my life I had the chance to live out a fantasy that has been in my head and heart along time. My Lover and I had discussed this fantasy off and on for a couple of months, nothing definite and no big plans made just discussions of what I wanted and a bit of why. The week before a intimate party we discussed what role I would take at the party. (I am masochist and sensation junkie primarily but for short times do give up a bit of control) I gave to my Lover free reign that eve and discussed with him how comfortable I felt with our 4 guests, good friends of ours whom we both trusted. Nothing more was discussed and I had no idea what might be planned for me that eve.

The evening was slow and comfortable, we all dinned on a sumptuous dinner, shared in the clean up and then retired to the living room. Soon one couple who had a suspension rig set up in the dungeon went to try it out. They played and the rest of us sat in the living room talking and having a good time occasionally one or two of us would get up to peak to see how it was going and to serve our voyeuristic tendencies. When they were through the other couple then took their turn in the dungeon. Soon it was our turn. I had no idea what My Lover had in store for me but my trust in him is very deep. Blindfolded and floating on a nice plateau of endorphins I realized there were others in the room and that my fantasy was being made reality. The excitement that ran through me was overwhelming, my Lover stood there guiding me through wave after of wave of pleasure, our friends helping in the ways he had asked. My mind reeled, my heart and soul flew. I soared on pleasure. His lips many times found mine and kissed me with a passion that took my breath away. When he felt it was enough he asked if I wanted to look. Strange but I just couldn’t, fear paralyzed me, fear of what I am still not sure. Our friends left the room my lover took off the blindfold, removed me from my bonds and laid me upon the floor holding me closely. I shook from the chemicals racing through my body and brain. And could not even begin to comprehend what it was I felt. Half carrying me to the living room we rejoined our friends who all smiled warmly at me. I half lay there on the couch, while others served our desert. That evening I knew my mind would pour over this event for days, trying to process all that happened. But for the rest of the night all I really felt was the love and affection of my dear friends and my Lover.

What happened in the days following the Actualization? I grew to understand that what to me had been about the physical turned into being about a very deeply kept emotional part of me. By that I mean the part of me that has always wanted confirmation of my beauty. Confirmation of my worth. On that night I got both of those things. My friends in their gentle caresses showed me how loved and cherished I was. My Lover gave me more of a gift then he could have imagined he gave me the gift of my Beauty. Something I knew existed but never until that night had faith in. This Fantasy Actualization that started out as a way for me to get "my rocks off" became for me something far more deep and emotional. It became a life affirming event.

For my dear friends I give you this little gift as thank you for the love and affection you have shown me.

For My Lover this gift is to say thank you for the love we share.

- Kath