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As I looked around me at this somewhat motley crew of people, I'd never have guessed that these were the leaders of various BDSM groups throughout New England. They were all regular folks, clad in t-shirts and shorts and ratty sneakers, some just waking with their first coffee of the morning and others perky from donuts polished off. Eight hours later at our play party they'd come out in force, in leather, sexy stockings, chains, and Lick-My-Feet pumps - the kind of clothing we all expect to see on BDSM players of the most fashionable caliber. But for that moment we were all there to build connections between our various New England groups, and perhaps build a coalition that would help all of our groups flourish. For that, we needed only our dedication to the larger BDSM community; no PVC necessary.

The weekend was organized by Gayle of PENE of New Hampshire and myself of Rose & Thorn of Vermont. Gayle hosted the meetings and several guests in her lovely home in Newport, New Hampshire, complete with a beautiful rural view of the autumn trees just starting to turn golden. Gayle's husband Bill was the Dom Chef du Jour, spoiling us with fabulous chicken a la king for lunch and bar-b-qued steak for dinner. Gayle's wonderful tomato and bacon quiche kept our appetites satisfied and our focus constant all morning. "I had a FANTASTIC time this weekend!" said Ren from CUFSmaine. "Everyone had a great time, the food was fantastic, we all had fun meeting and raising hell! My special thanks go to Gayle and Bill for allowing so many of us to converge upon their lovely home. You are truly wonderful hosts and I think I can speak for everyone when I say you did a great job making us feel at home." Several guests stayed in guest rooms, while others camped in the back yard or stayed at the local motel.

The goal of the weekend was not a formal one - but simply to make connections, and friends, with other group leaders. " I thoroughly enjoyed meeting other group leaders." Said HizAngel from D/sNH, "It's nice knowing D/sNH is not the only group in the area who does things the way that work best for them, that there are no 'cookie cutter' patterns to follow. The overall meeting format worked wonderfully, and did help to form a more cohesive community. I walked away refreshed, instilled with a new sense of purpose for my group."

Fifteen guests attended from various groups including Rose & Thorn of Vermont; Power Exchange of New England (PENE), the Upper Valley Munch, and D/sNH of New Hampshire; and Coastal United Fetish Society Maine (CUFSmaine), Central Maine Alliance (CMA), and Alternative Lifestyles United (ALU) of Maine. Our groups represented a wide variety of approaches to BDSM communities from strictly BDSM community building groups like Rose & Thorn and the Upper Valley Munch, to Gateway groups like CUFSmaine, and broader alternative lifestyle groups like ALU. Some groups focused on educating the vanilla community and others simply act as a conduit to bring novices into the lifestyle. "I want to thank you for the invitation!" said Angel of ALU, "It was a wonderful time was in agreement with our goal at ALU to 'unite' the BDSM community." What we all had in common was a wish to make connections between our groups and build a coalition that would strengthen all of us.

After introducing ourselves and our groups, three speakers presented various topics. I started out with a discussion of ways we could build connections between our groups. Ren of CUFSmaine followed with a well prepared discussion on increasing our visibility as a group of leaders, and Gayle from PENE talked about how can we use our combined leadership to improve the BDSM community overall. Because our states tend to be more rural, we've realized the importance of focusing on the special needs of groups with widespread membership. Ren added that "it was fantastic seeing so many New England groups represented and hearing everyone's opinions, ideas, and thoughts. Finally meeting folks I have long chatted with online was also great!"

Some of the ideas we are implementing include developing a collaborative booklet for new leaders on the various type of groups and how they are best managed, creating a form letter that will be signed by all of us to protest negative and biased media coverage of BDSM issues, and using newsletters to reach a large number of scene players. We also discussed the need to utilize the Leaders Listserv as a communication vehicle, visit each other's groups as much as possible, and have bi-yearly leaders meetings.

Ren of CUFSmaine presented ideas about how all the leaders in attendance could increase their visibility, individually and as a whole. Some suggestions presented included group leaders being 'out,' if possible, because it would serve to show both the BDSM and vanilla communities that we, practitioners of Alternative Lifestyles, have nothing to be ashamed of. The increased visibility of leaders discussing our lifestyle, advocating safety, and denouncing violence would certainly assist our efforts toward acceptance. "Up until this meeting I thought it was enough just to be helping to run Rose & Thorn," said Michael, "but now I can see that our group is creating change on a larger community level. Once I realized that, I also realized our responsibility not just to our own members, but to the vanilla community in terms of outreach and education. On this note, the importance of contacting local authorities such as the police, social service agencies, and medical personnel was stressed as a means of opening communication channels and offering services if necessary.

The idea of a standard written response to the media, which would be signed and implemented by all leaders present, was also discussed and well received. This response, which would state the BDSM/Alternative community's position against violence and non-consensual activities, would be available to all group leaders, and would enable us to speak as one strong voice.

The importance of attending BDSM related meetings, functions, get-aways, etc., was also discussed. After all - what better way to make one visible than actively participating! Also, the involvement in regional organizations, such as NELA, and national organizations, such as the Nation Coalition for Sexual Freedom, was recommended for all group leaders.

Finally, the importance of leaders serving as role models to group members was emphasized. The actions of leaders are often emulated by members of their groups, and it is up to group leaders to keep in contact with group members, teach them the safe applications of BDSM, and give them a good example to follow.

After our conference meeting Saturday afternoon, we relaxed and made merry until the evening when Gayle and Bill hosted a play party including guests from PENE and Rose & Thorn both. Being a carpenter by trade, Bill set up a spectacular variety of homemade BDSM equipment including a St. Andrews Cross, spiderweb, spanking bench and stocks. Our weekend mascot, my stuffed Babar (king of the elephants) turned out to have quite a BDSM streak as he stayed locked into the stocks for quite some time. The play party grew to about 25 guests, many of whom brought interesting and unusual toys. Richard from Rose & Thorn delighted a number of female guests with his suction machine upstairs while various other couples tried out Bill's grand equipment which was spread out over the back yard in the shade of the evening. Fortunately the cool fall weather prevented submissives from suffering any additional tortures from New Hampshire's famous mosquitoes.

By Sunday morning we were all sated with conversation and connections, and bid hugs and farewells to whoever was left standing. With plans to have another conference in six months in Maine, everyone left with a sense of a successful weekend completed and having lived up to our group moniker of "GLIB." "I want to thank you for taking the time to put together the GLIB meeting this past weekend," added Angel from CMA, "it was great to finally meet so many new people and have a chance to sit and talk. I hope this is something that will happen on a regular basis."

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Sensuous Sadie is a BDSM columnist and edits SCENEsubmissions, a free e-newsletter. She is the founder and leader (1999 - 2001) of Rose & Thorn, Vermont's first BDSM group. Comments, compliments and complaints, as well as requests for reprinting can be addressed to her at SensuousSadie@aol.com or visit her website at www.sensuoussadie.com.  Sadie believes the universe is abundant and that sharing information freely is part of this abundance, so she allows reprints of her writing in most venues.