website: http://wmdifferentstrokes.com
listserv: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/wmds
EDITOR'S NOTE: In my travels in the BDSM world
both as a leader and participant, I've discovered that most
people don't realize the incredible amount of work it takes to
run a BDSM group. From the guest perspective it's just a party
or munch now and again to go to. But behind the scenes there are
many people who work very hard to make this happen. I asked Ed,
Leader of White Mountains Different Strokes to write a monthly
column for SCENEsubmissions that would help our readers
understand what goes on behind the scenes. You can read past
articles in this series on the epe dominion site:
www.epedominion.com/library in the leader's speak section.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For many groups, a critical decision is how to
hold a public event - and so I'd like to explore two questions:
1) Why a munch, and 2) How to go about it? Although they are
known by different names (the VSK group in Vermont uses the term
"soirČe", while the PENE group on the VT/NH border
has a monthly "social", I will use the most common
name, that of "munch".
On the "Out of the Shadows" website
one reads, "The first Munch was called the Burgermunch and
was organized by STella in California outside of San Francisco.
It was an immediate success and has spawned many successful
offshoots located all around the country and many parts of the
world". As most of you reading this are aware, these are
casual social gatherings designed for both newcomers and
veterans alike to socialize. While no two events are identical,
there seem to be four common denominators: a) It is held in a
public place, b) It is in a relaxed and discreet atmosphere, c)
attendees wear casual dress, and d) Food and drink are readily
available (with typical munch locations being bars, restaurants
and shopping mall food courts).
Why hold a munch? Unless your group is large
and tight-knit, one needs a way to attract new people (even if
solely to replace those who leave the group or area).
Frequently, it is the primary source of new members for most
groups. I used to attend the first publicly advertised munch
held in New Hampshire (in Nashua) when I lived nearby in the
middle 1990's. I found that many veteran players simply enjoyed
the chance to meet with their peers, regardless of whether any
new people were there. For many others (this writer included)
who are able to successfully help welcome a new person into the
scene - well, the sense of satisfaction is more profound than
something accomplished, say, at work.
For newcomers, this is often the first contact
with lifestyle people. (By newcomers, I am referring not only to
rank beginners, but also those with private experience now
seeking to go public). It is often their first contact with the
public scene - one often sees the word "gateway" in
connection with munches. Some attend and decide this is not for
them (or, at least not yet) - if so, nothing is truly lost.
Others do so for information purposes, but there are those who
become "lifers"; all in all, a valuable resource.
The key to a successful munch is to create a
user-friendly atmosphere - such that veterans will want to
attend and newcomers will find a friendly, welcoming atmosphere.
Holding events in public places offers the newbie the sense of
control (that one can leave if need be without having to explain
why). By showing that person that we are otherwise fairly normal
people with jobs, families, mortgages and, yes, even problems -
we have now made an abstract desire now seem realistic. If there
are other diversions available (such as good food and drink,
shopping, pool tables and the like) the veterans will need
little other encouragement. Finally, having a constant date
(last Tuesday of the month, first Friday, etc.) is important to
provide a consistency to those attending.
Some factors in choosing a place to hold a
munch include the following: a) Is there a mall or dining
establishment available and able to accommodate the group, b) Is
there someone willing to act as host and to arrange for
substitutes in the event of absence, c) What symbol with
designate the group, d) Are ancillary factors (such as cigarette
smoke, available parking or public transit, the quality of food
available, the possible presence of children, etc.) enough to
affect the decisions made, and e) Will the group need to ask for
a contribution for the use of a room, or request that one
purchase a meal in order to secure a restaurant standing
reservation.
Finally, a note about publicity. Across the
nation, there have been reports of pressure being placed on us
(by groups such as the Concerned Women of America and the
American Family Association) to not hold public events. Such
events as Vicious Valentine (in Chicago) as well as Beat Me in
St. Louis are noteworthy, but which involve more high-profile
play events.
More relevant was the situation near
Indianapolis last December (involving a restaurant) as well as
the more recent encounter with the management of the Peabody
(Massachusetts) Mall where someone made the presence of the
munch group known to management and dared them to take action.
Some have suggested securing the cooperation of the management
of any establishment beforehand; this is worthwhile, yet not
always feasible depending upon one's location. In which case,
the key is to not call unfavorable attention oneself - enforcing
a casual dress policy, avoid bringing toys (or being super
discreet if one must), creating good business and tipping for
restaurant/bar staff and just being the kind of people that
establishments would want to have. If this is done, people can
attend in the knowledge that theirs will be a happy experience.
