laura@lauragoodwin.org 

LAURA: "This may sound corny, but I felt called to it. I have an active spiritual life, and through atonement and prayer I felt myself being led by a divine hand to be of service in this way."

L: "I believe I was most pleased with my Pantheon award, because a woman who had been horrible to me was up for the same award that year, and it was a fine 'in your face!' to the likes of her. That, I feel, was the work of the divine hand again."

L: "Oh, I have been published many times, but I derive more satisfaction from publishing myself on the Internet. It's much faster, I get a bigger audience, and I don't have to deal with editors, some of whom are absolute butchers."

L: "I've noticed that many club problems arise not out of love of power, but out of a desire to control the money, so I charge no membership fee. If there is no money sitting around in a bank account, then people can't play 'Capture the Flag' with it, and have to find happier games.

My people are happy with my leadership. I meet my member's most basic needs, and I'm dependable about it. If they have a complaint they know they can simply talk to me, and I get few complaints. What complaints I do get, I deal with promptly."

L: "I don't. They are the same thing. I've learned that the people who enjoy playing in a public environment do not represent the true majority in the BDSM world. My experience has taught me that the majority of BDSM people prefer to play and have sex privately, because to them, sex - and anything relating to it - is a private matter. You won't see those people in huge numbers at the public events. They're very secretive, but nonetheless dedicated.

"As for why some people can play publicly but not have sex publicly, it's for the same reason they are OK about going skinny-dipping with friends as opposed to having sex while your friends watch. It's a matter of degree. Many people could do the first one but never the other. In fact, people who can do one but not the latter I believe are the norm."

L: "Well, people who say that BDSM is not about sex are simply unclear on the concept. Sadomasochism by definition is an erotic paraphilia. Some sadomasochists don't need intercourse or whatever to have orgasm, but that's because they have substituted something else.

"There are some showboats who are so into far-out pain-play or whatever that they set the sex aside completely, but they are not better or purer in any way than the rest of us are, they just like to think that they are. I feel that saying that 'Pure BDSM is not about sex' is just a fancy new way to say that sex is dirty, that sex dirties BDSM, which I don't happen to agree about."

L: "I know for certain that vanillas can and do support our rights to privacy, and to consent to BDSM, but they are very turned off by the details. The less they know about what we are doing, the better. If I were an opponent of the movement, I would use the dirty details as a weapon to stir up repugnance in public feeling. Vanillas don't like what we do: that's what makes them vanilla. They have to be told only what they need to know so they know what BDSM is. We have to emphasize that people consent to these things knowingly, because they think it makes for a fine personal adventure. We have to emphasize that BDSM is in essence an erotic sport and therefore a private matter. Us tying each other up isn't what bothers them: THAT they understand. What they don't understand is the more extreme forms such as bloodletting games. We can't expect that they'll ever really understand that stuff. Even some of our own people don't understand it.

"If you rent a mistress by the hour that to them is prostitution. That's good. Let them think that way. We don't want them thinking that they are not right when they are. Let's be honest with ourselves and with the public about pros for hire. Sex *is* going on in those sessions. BDSM is sexual.

"It's very wrongheaded for people in the BDSM community to keep trying to foist obvious falsehoods on the public. If we want their friendship, we have to be a friend to them, and be honest. Friends don't lie to each other. Vanillas can handle the truth, but if they discover we haven't been honest they will turn on us.

"Renting yourself out by the hour to whip people is a form of sex work. No more bullshit, please. Sex work in all its forms should be decriminalized, but that issue should be a separate issue from BDSM rights. Hiring a pro is not the same as one spouse spanking another as a prelude to sex. It's just not."

L: "An intimate relationship has to be built up brick-by-brick. The frenzy you speak of is a normal, human thing. Under the right circumstances, if all goes well, it will happen very quickly. It's a beautiful thing, but it is not true intimacy. Intimacy happens over time, through shared experience and trial. The problem is people use the word intimacy as a euphemism for sex. If people would simply appreciate sex for what it is, and call it what it is, we'd be less likely to see such confusions. I would like to see people honoring sex more, and then they would feel less need to pretend it's something it's not. To feel caught up in a sexual frenzy is divine. There used to be whole religions built around that. I would like to see a resurgence of ecstasy religions, and in fact I think BDSM people are poised to lead such a resurgence. Wouldn't that be grand!?"

L: "By listening to their heads instead of their genitals."

L: "Well, it's true I seem like an oddball when compared with the 600 people who regularly turn up at the big BDSM conventions, but those people are unusual. When I'm compared with BDSM people at large who are 'out there' playing in their bedrooms and basements all across our nation; I'm in real good company. Compared to many of them, I'm pretty progressive. There are many BDSM people who honestly believe that this stuff should only occur between (heterosexual) husband and wife. Many of them are not only homophobic, but they don't even think single heterosexuals should be horsing around in this manner. To them pro dominants are just fancy whores in fancy underwear with fancy tricks. And big BDSM play parties are out of the question: Sodom and Gomorrah. The punks taking over.

"People like Janet Hardy and John Warren seem to think that all BDSM people who matter live on the cutting edge of all social movements. They are wrong. They address their books to people who represent a tiny and very progressive faction. Most BDSM practitioners do not in fact agree that Gays should have rights and that Prostitution should be legal. Many BDSM people have been left out of the movement, and their needs aren't being addressed, basically because they fail these political litmus tests. Nevertheless, they are our people, and they have to be taken care of somehow, or else we aren't really serving the entire BDSM community."

L: "Basically, yes."

L: "I started out being rather brutal, and I also felt, in the beginning, a big need to show off. I have mellowed."

L: "I divorced one husband and married another because of it. Because I became a public activist I had to tell my children more than the average BDSM parent would. Also, one of my brothers cut me out of his life over it. That was a heartbreaker."

L: "Well, I think of it more as something that detracts from your life quite severely if you don't satisfy the need. If you satisfy your need it's no big deal, but if you don't, it just eats at you from within. I think it's much healthier for leatherfolk to get their needs met. That's how it becomes a positive part of a healthy life."

L: "No, that's not true. I have as much trouble in finding a new partner as anybody else does."

L: "Someone decent who turns me on, and who likes my jokes."

L: "Enjoy yourself and stay out of trouble."

L: "Where I am now is good. I love my slave husband and I have lots of adorable friends. If I can just maintain this I'll be content."

L: "Spirituality is much more than an interest to me. It's my entire motivation. It's where I am coming from. I integrate every thing else in my life into my spirituality. I feel myself to be Goddess-led. Her hand is upon my heart at all times. I do not integrate my spirituality into my life: my spirituality is my life.

"I was led to study the roots of sexual oppression, to better understand how leatherfolk got into our current predicament. I found out that the history of sexual oppression is a very long one. The demonization of the Goddess and the denigration of woman began thousands of years ago, when patriarchal forces overthrew the old matriarchies. The attitude that sex is dirty began then. Patriarchies depend on knowing who the father is, so woman's sexual freedoms under the patriarchies were severely curtailed. People who didn't toe the line were severely punished, as they still are in many ways even today.

"That is where the double-standard began. Men under the patriarchies always enjoyed more freedoms than the women did. This is where the attitude that penetration = dominance came from, and this attitude still is amazingly prevalent. For example, many BDSM people believe that it's inappropriate for a dominant of either sex to enjoy being penetrated."

"That is where the attitude that sexual freedom is bad began. Women and men enjoyed much sexual freedom under matriarchal rule, but the Patriarchies stopped all of that, mainly to control women (to know who the father was). Even today, many people think that sex is bad, and that sexier sex (example: BDSM) is worse.

"To undo the damage done, we have to heal our relationship with nature, and that means to reclaim the divinity of womanhood and the dignity of sex. Men and women have to learn to accept, honor, and love our own sexual selves, and we have to accept, honor, and love each other.

"Just being into BDSM doesn't do this automatically. As has been seen, there are strong sexist and puritanical forces even within the BDSM community. I see the 'BDSM is not necessarily sexual' attitude as a manifestation of the same toxic Puritanism that has tainted vanilla sex relations.

"I believe the patriarchal way of doing things has run its course. Our problem now is to find a new way of living that is more healthful, practical, and just. We can't go back to the matriarchal way of doing things: we have to move forward. That's what the Goddess has me working on now. What She wants *you* to be working on is between you and Her.

"If you want to learn more about the divine in your life, the best source for information and inspiration is your own heart. Let the divine guide your hand and heart, and you will be led to the books, the relationships, and the other resources that are perfect for you."

L: "That it will continue to become more of a true international nation - without boundaries and without limits."

L: "The best way for me to answer that question is to invite people to my Silly Star Trek Obsession web site:

http://allyourtrekarebelongto.us

L: "HTML is not difficult to learn, and coding your own produces leaner, cleaner code. The web pages load faster and you have more precise control over the appearance and layout of your site. I admire the fancy-looking web sites as much as anybody, but they are big bandwidth hogs. Many people still access the net at 56K, and you have to be concerned about the quality of their experience when they visit your site.

'What You See Is What You Get' editors are misnamed. You _don't see_ a lot of what you get, including bloated, unnecessarily convoluted code. Plus, you end up with a web site that is not distinctive looking. A web site that is made with a cookie-cutter template lacks soul. It's like the difference between polyester pants and blue jeans. I never was satisfied to keep my car clean and shiny. I always have to tinker under the hood. That's why I built my own computer, too. I gave birth to my kids at home, too. I'm a real do-it-yourselfer. I like to know what make things work, so I can play with making it work better."

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UNITED LEATHERFOLK OF CT

A non-profit BDSM support/social group.

http://lauragoodwin.org/folk.html

laura@lauragoodwin.org

United Leatherfolk of CT (Pansexual) founded in March 1990, is a non-profit support and social group for BDSM men and women of all orientations. Intimate and very friendly. Not public. No fees. Contact me via email if you wish to be considered for membership. This club is especially welcoming and helpful for singles and newbies, but enthusiasts at all levels of development will be comfortable with us. Don't be alone in a crowd: join ULC for the personal attention you need. Email Laura Goodwin for membership info.

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If you enjoyed this interview, read more SCENEprofiles with BDSM personalities on Sadie's website at www.sensuoussadie.com 

Sensuous Sadie is a BDSM columnist and edits SCENEsubmissions, a free e-newsletter. She is the founder and leader (1999 - 2001) of Rose & Thorn, Vermont's first BDSM group. Comments, compliments and complaints, as well as requests for reprinting can be addressed to her at SensuousSadie@aol.com or visit her website at www.sensuoussadie.com.  Sadie believes the universe is abundant and that sharing information freely is part of this abundance, so she allows reprints of her writing in most venues.

Copyright 2002