e-mail: wmds@valley.net
website: http://wmdifferentstrokes.com
listserv: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/wmds
EDITOR'S NOTE: In my travels in the BDSM world
both as a leader and participant, I've discovered that most
people don't realize the incredible amount of work it takes to
run a BDSM group. From the guest perspective it's just a party
or munch now and again to go to. But behind the scenes there are
many people who work very hard to make this happen. I asked Ed,
Leader of White Mountains Different Strokes to write a monthly
column for SCENEsubmissions that would help our readers
understand what goes on behind the scenes. You can read past
articles in this series on the epe dominion site:
www.epedominion.com/library in the leader's speak section.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We had discussed the idea of rules/bylaws,
etc., in an earlier article. In practical terms, these are often
unnecessary until something goes wrong. The noted business
author Tom Peters has longed railed against lengthy policy
manuals (designed to cover any contingency) in Corporate
America. He believes they are often "blame manuals,"
designed only to be consulted after a mishap and then solely to
assign blame.
I think he's right, yet I also think there is
considerable value to having some sort of group policy on paper
that prospective new members can be shown when they first want
to become involved. A little forethought can often head off
potential problems, and even when they do arise people cannot
argue that there had been no guidelines whatsoever. As
previously discussed, some groups have extensive by-laws, with
others only having enough to cover major areas (such as Safe,
Sane & Consensual). Whichever road you take, there are
certain to be some gray areas (no by-laws can cover every
situation). Here are some ways that groups I am aware of have
handled them; beginning with people who are not part of
management - in other words, "regular members."
a) Troubleshooting - Some groups make it a
point of not wanting to "go-to-the-mat" right away.
Instead, they appoint a "troubleshooter," someone
whose task it is to let the person know of the issue and asking
how they can help resolve it. That individual could take
stronger action if need be, but at first they try to act as a
mediator. Such a person would need strong people skills, as well
as the confidence of the management group. The long-time
district attorney of New York City (Frank Hogan) once commented
that half of the cases that wound up in criminal court began,
not as a major offense, but as the result of an insult, an
unkind word, some slight to someone's pride. A troubleshooter
can prevent a major crisis.
b) Arbitrator - still other groups appoint an
arbitrator; someone whose task is to make a final judgment on a
situation, up to and including expulsion of a member. This
person may (or may not) also act as the type of troubleshooter
mentioned in the previous section, the skills needed are a
little different, and some groups use a different person. In my
first job, the personnel manager (named Peter) handled all
firings; this was quite a task in a company that had ten
presidents in twelve years (or maybe it was twelve presidents in
twelve years)? I once asked him how he could stand that - he
answered, "Ed, it's the best situation in the world for me
- as personnel manager, I can offer references and ways they can
get that next job." Suffice it to say, it's not for
everyone. Groups using such a person often have a "right of
appeal" to the management group as a whole. Even though a
group who entrusts such a responsibility to someone due to the
trust level placed in them, I think having a review is an
important safeguard.
c) Mechanism for board members - should the
dispute instead involve a board member, the dynamics change.
Here, there needs to be a way for others to evaluate what the
remedy should be when it's an insider. Often, this may involve a
vote of a majority (or even super-majority).
d) Having members involved in rule setting -
while most groups set their policies based on the actions of its
management, others at least solicit input from ordinary members.
If regular members feel that they have helped set the agenda,
it's difficult for them to argue that they had no say in the
matter. It is still the responsibility of group management to
implement the policies, yet there's no harm in asking.
For most groups, these situations do not come
up frequently. "Problem Children" seldom stay around
very long if they sense that a particular group will not put up
with bad behavior, or suffer any fools. Yet even good people
occasionally jump the tracks, and having a dispute resolution
mechanism ahead of time can help make sure that the problem does
not get out of hand.
