Cool Hand Luke

The Moral of Cool Hand Luke, "Failure to Communicate"

By Ed (AKA The Czar),
Leader of White Mountains Different Strokes

wmds@valley.net

e-mail: wmds@valley.net
website: http://wmdifferentstrokes.com
listserv: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/wmds

EDITOR'S NOTE: In my travels in the BDSM world both as a leader and participant, I've discovered that most people don't realize the incredible amount of work it takes to run a BDSM group. From the guest perspective it's just a party or munch now and again to go to. But behind the scenes there are many people who work very hard to make this happen. I asked Ed, Leader of White Mountains Different Strokes to write a monthly column for SCENEsubmissions that would help our readers understand what goes on behind the scenes.

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Rodney Dangerfield said that he left standup comedy when he was 29 to get "a real job" (before he returned later in life). He noted - only half in jest - "To give you an idea of how well I was doing, I was the only one who knew that I quit".

You may have, as Fox Sports might say, "The Best Damn BDSM Group" around - but if nobody knows about it, eventually it will disintegrate due to people relocating, marrying/divorcing, breaking away for good/bad reasons and so on. Making yourselves known is important. And then follow-up communication with interested (and in some cases, not yet active) people is crucial.

But how? More importantly, how to communicate in a secure way, informative yet not overly time consuming, and able to serve your community? A lot will depend upon the goals of your group founders, but there are several ideas:

a) E-mail list: The basics, with a "for more information, please e-mail xxxx". One can have a canned introductory message, that you can tailor according to the information that an inquiry contains. Then, an update of current news, events, etc. for ongoing members.

b) Print ads: for those not on-line, ads in publications that take alternative ads (e.g., Seven Days, N.H. Classified Guide) can attract new members. I have found the quality of these respondents to be inferior to that of on-line or word-of-mouth inquiries - often wannabes or people just looking for dates. I still feel it's important to have that type of outlet for the non-technical types.

c) Listserv, Yahoo or Smart Groups - in many ways, the best means of communicating to the Usual Suspects. Not only the message boards and Calendars sending automated responses, but also the sections for Files (such as photos, directions, mission statements, for example). They are free and can act as a clearinghouse of all sorts of information. Drawbacks? They require some sort of registration, which many people are either lazy or just reluctant to do so - and thus a separate e-mail list may still be needed. This isn't limited to our community - it happens with vanilla sites, as well.

d) Dedicated website - One can either choose one of the (dwindling, it should be noted) free sites, like Yahoo's GeoCities if the pop-up ads do not bother you, or a paid-for site that can allow you to truly create a presence and have quite a bit of flexibility (albeit at a price).

e) Chat rooms - often available on either c) or d), they can not only engender some interesting dialogue but also give interested (yet nervous) people a chance to gauge the behavior of a group before attending a public event.

f) Listings & Links: Besides the Regional Munch List that SubStephen of the Boston Dungeon Society maintains, there are BDSM sites that can direct one to groups in a given state or region. The Fetish Auctioneer, New England Leather Association are some - one site by a woman named Caryl, perhaps the most friendly (certainly the most prompt) site owner is another good choice.