SENSUOUS SADIE: HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR PHILOSOPHICAL APPROACH TO THE LIFESTYLE? DO YOU FEEL THAT YOUR APPROACH IS FAIRLY MAINSTREAM, OR ARE THERE AREAS WHERE YOU STRAY FROM THE PATH, BROAD AS THAT MAY BE?

SIR VICTOR: I can be sensual, gentle and funny, or I can make Ghenghis Kahn look like Mother Teresa. In other words, a sub can tremble from fear while she's smiling.

SS: HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN INVOLVED WITH BDSM IN YOUR PRIVATE PRACTICE?

SV: I've been in the scene since 1987, when a real estate appointment led me to an S&M club and I got hooked (no pun intended).

SS: HOW WOULD YOU SAY IT HAS CHANGED OVER THE YEARS?

SV: The Internet brought the scene from the underground, so otherwise isolated individuals discovered there were other people out there who shared the same views and feelings towards this form of sexual expression.

SS: CAN YOU TELL ME A LITTLE BIT ABOUT YOUR BACKGROUND?

SV: I'm 39 yrs old. Born in Europe. Grew up in 5 countries and speak 5 languages fluently.

SS: HOW DID YOU COME TO FOUND AND LEAD A BDSM GROUP?

SV: I got tired of the political climate that existed within the local S&M community, and instead of preaching what an S&M group should be about, I've decided to form one.

The idea was simple. We would have presenters do demos and lectures every 2nd Thursday at Hellfire (a terrific NYC S&M club) before opening their doors to the general public. Along the way, we’d have an occasional party for us to enjoy. We started with about 25 people who shared our vision.

Through word of mouth, more and more people started attending our meetings and parties. We decided to start having meetings every Friday. At that point, we arranged with Paddles (another terrific NYC club) to have DSF meetings there as well.

SS: PLEASE TELL ME ABOUT YOUR WEBSITE. WHY SO MUCH INFO?

SV: I realized there were many people craving to have easy access information on the World Wide Web pertaining to BDSM. I literally checked thousands of websites. Many were good but seemed somewhat incomplete. So instead of having people check for S&M information all over the place, I've decided to create a one-stop information website.

It's an easy to follow and comprehensive website to help people learn about the BDSM lifestyle. Thus far, we've put up over 10,000 links. Included in that number is every worldwide BDSM group, tons of resources, etc.

We've just added an International BDSM Calendar. Every group on the World Wide Web will be able to upload their events and make it a “Worldwide Event Directory” as well.

MichaelK, our wonderful WebMaster, has been nothing short of sensational with his computer skills and ideas.

SS: DomSubFriends OFFERS A VERY WIDE VARIETY OF OPTIONS FROM MUNCHES TO PLAY PARTIES TO WORKSHOPS. WHICH OF THESE DO YOU ENJOY THE MOST, AND WHY?

SV: Both parties and demos have equal benefits. One is educational and the other is social. That is what we're about: being a social and educational group.

Bob Horowitz (my partner in DSF) is our calendar coordinator. He is a well-known member of the S&M community. He has published S&M magazines, lectured on our lifestyle, and has given tons of demos all over the East Coast.

BobH ran some of the best private S&M/fetish parties in the local area as far as a decade ago. Through his 20+ years of active experience in the scene, Bob has gotten to know many respected and admired speakers in the S&M community.

Due to this background, Bob has been able to schedule awesome demos and lectures for DomSubFriends.

As per your question relating to DSF parties:

They usually get an attendance of over 150 people. One party even had 380 people attend. We make sure we introduce people to each other so no one ever feels left out. Every successful business depends on one thing....repeat customers. The only way to get repeat customers is by strictly sticking to the basics I've mentioned above.

Those who've been to our parties and demos immediately feel the difference when they are among DomSubFriends.

SS: YOU STARTED A GROUP IN A CITY WHICH PRESUMABLY WAS ALREADY SOMEWHAT SATURATED WITH BDSM GROUPS. TO WHAT DO YOU ATTRIBUTE YOUR SUCCESS?

SV: If I can credit this to anything it would be that DomSubFriends simply focuses on demos, lectures and parties, and provides an opportunity to make good friends or perhaps meet a potential partner. Most of all, we've eliminated the idea of cliques because we have made it a point to keep the political climate out of our group.

SS: I HAVE READ SOME OF THE EXCELLENT ARTICLES IN YOUR ON-LINE MAGAZINE THE VOYEUR. WHICH ARTICLES DO YOU FIND GET THE MOST RESPONSES FROM YOUR READERS? WHAT KIND OF WRITING DO YOU LOOK FOR?

SV: The ones dealing with the mind rather than the implements. Implements are easy to learn; just go to the workshop(s). The mental part is tougher since it may involve changing your inner self or personal views.

SS: WHAT HAVE YOU FOUND HAS BEEN THE MOST SATISFYING ASPECTS OF YOUR LEADERSHIP?

SV: My satisfaction comes from watching others have a good time. Bob and I have this desire of making sure everyone who is part of DSF has a good time at our parties, socials, demo and lectures. This approach is particularly helpful to newbies who may be nervous at first, because it allows them to feel relaxed.

SS: WHAT ABOUT CHALLENGES THAT RUNNING DomSubFriends?

SV: My challenge has been trying to balance my life involving my marriage, family, slave, career, DomSubFriends, etc.

SS: WHAT IS YOUR APPROACH TO INTERACTION WITH OTHER GROUPS AND GROUP LEADERS? WHAT ARE THE CHALLENGES THAT YOU'VE FACED IN WORKING WITH OTHER GROUPS? [NO NEED TO DISH HERE, JUST LOOKING FOR SOME GENERAL THOUGHTS]

SV: I believe that the more of us that are out there, the better it is for everybody.

I understand how hard it is to balance 24 hours in a day while having the responsibility of running a group. Hence, I thank the leaders of all the groups for putting sweat and time into making sure that there are more educated S&M'ers out there.

As per challenges working with other groups, I can't think of any.

SS: DO YOU FEEL THAT IN GENERAL BEING IN A BIG CITY WITH MANY BDSM OPTIONS HELPS PEOPLE ENTER THE SCENE MORE EASILY?

SV: Yes, it's a numbers game. In addition, NY'ers are pretty open-minded people and like to take advantage of the diversity and excitement the city has to offer in order to enrich their private lives.

SS: TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE WITH THE FEELING THAT BDSM GROUPS ARE MORE RIFE WITH POLITICS BECAUSE OF OUR INTRINSIC INTEREST IN THE POWER EXCHANGE, WHICH AT THE GROUP LEVEL CAN TRANSLATE INTO POWER STRUGGLES AND THAT SORT OF THING?

SV: Okay, follow me for a moment. Say I'm best friends with both "A" and "B".

However, if "A" and "B" do not like each other I could be pressured into making a decision with whom I'm going to be friends with. Unfortunately, that's how cliques in groups develop. DomSubFriends does not have that type of atmosphere.

SS: HOW WOULD YOU CHARACTERIZE THE COMMUNITY IN NEW YORK CITY AS SIMILAR OR DIFFERENT FROM THE COMMUNITIES YOU MAY HAVE VISITED IN THE MORE RURAL AREAS OF NORTHERN NEW ENGLAND?

SV: People have more options to choose from in New York City than in most other places I've visited. However, still, the public scene in NYC is pretty small. Since there are only 2 public S&M dungeons in NYC, you'll probably run into the same faces in the public S&M scene if you're a regular.

If I had to guess, the public scene consists of probably 500 or so regulars, and the rest is divided between curious tourists and newbies ready to take the plunge into real time.

SS: ONE OF YOUR GOALS IS TO PROMOTE POSITIVE AWARENESS IN THE S&M COMMUNITY. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT EDUCATING THE LARGER VANILLA COMMUNITY? HAVE YOU BEEN ACTIVE IN RAISING AWARENESS AND SUPPORT INDIVIDUALS AND GROUPS WHO HAVE BEEN VICTIMIZED BY THE BROADER COMMUNITY'S MISUNDERSTANDING OF WHAT WE DO?

SV: I do not believe in flaunting our stuff in front of the whole world. I’d rather concentrate on the people who are already in the scene. If one person has found us, so will the next curious lifestyle seeker.

I do not believe that we should impose our sexual views upon the mainstreamers. They have enough troubles raising their kids and constantly seek a scapegoat for their failures. Why provide one for them by flaunting, "HEY! We're into S&M! Learn to accept us!"

All that does is wake up the religious rights and politicians. I believe that as long as we don't flaunt our way of life people will leave us alone. Unfortunately, from what I can see lately, we're passed that stage. The authorities already know who we are.

SS: WHAT HAVE YOU OBSERVED CHANGING ABOUT YOUR OWN COMMUNITY SINCE YOU STARTED DomSubFriends? WHAT WAYS ARE YOU HOPING IT WILL CHANGE IN THE NEXT FEW YEARS?

SV: With DSF being in the picture, every S&M'er has benefited in the NYC/NJ/CT area. Alternative choices are always good. Leaders of other local groups have become more service-oriented towards their membership.

SS: AS YOU MAY BE AWARE, THE NORTHERN NEW ENGLAND STATES HAVE VERY FEW FORMAL DUNGEONS, WHILE THERE ARE A NUMBER IN NEW YORK CITY. WHAT PARTICULAR ROLE DO YOU THINK DUNGEONS PLAY IN GROWING THE COMMUNITY IN GENERAL? DO YOU FIND THAT MOST OF THE PEOPLE THERE ARE KNOWN COMMUNITY MEMBERS, OR JUST CURIOUS?

SV: In NYC, Hellfire and Paddles act as ambassadors to the scene for quite a few novices in their initial introduction to the leather community. Many of our most respected members started out first as "tourists" in a public S&M dungeon.

SS: IS THERE ANYTHING YOU'D LIKE TO ADD THAT MIGHT INTEREST OUR READERS?

SV: Yes! Register for the DSF Leather Pride Weekend party on Saturday, June 22nd.

This is the single hottest play night of the year in NYC. For more info, check our website: www.DomSubFriends.com

SS: THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

SV: Thank you, and keep up the good work with your articles.

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If you enjoyed this interview, read more SCENEprofiles with BDSM personalities on Sadie's website at www.sensuoussadie.com 

Sensuous Sadie is a BDSM columnist and edits SCENEsubmissions, a free e-newsletter. She is the founder and leader (1999 - 2001) of Rose & Thorn, Vermont's first BDSM group. Comments, compliments and complaints, as well as requests for reprinting can be addressed to her at SensuousSadie@aol.com or visit her website at www.sensuoussadie.com.  Sadie believes the universe is abundant and that sharing information freely is part of this abundance, so she allows reprints of her writing in most venues.

Copyright 2002