listserv: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/wmds

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EDITOR'S NOTE: In my travels in the BDSM world both as a leader and participant, I've discovered that most people don't realize the incredible amount of work it takes to run a BDSM group. From the guest perspective it's just a party or munch now and again to go to. But behind the scenes there are many people who work very hard to make this happen. I asked Ed, Leader of White Mountains Different Strokes to write a monthly column for SCENEsubmissions that would help our readers understand what goes on behind the scenes.

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One of the most important things needed when you are part of a group management is, "how do we bring people together"? You will receive inquiries from many different types of people, looking for different things, seeking different relationships, and want a way to connect with others. Here are just a few of the trade-offs that you must wrestle with:

1) Remember that you cannot please everyone. No matter how much you do, it will conflict with someone's work schedule, family situation or other issues. Worry about the 90+% of the people that you have a chance of accommodating.

2a) Some people will be content with just a recurring social event (whether it's called a munch, a soirÈe, etc.). Anything more than that may even be frightening, even.

2b) But others want to have play parties - and would be bored with only munches. In addition, play parties can only occur after someone volunteers their home in which to hold it. Not before.

3a) Some want the group to act as a sort of dating service. Not just the fools who contact you and ask about threesomes right away - but others who sincerely want that to be one of the main objectives of the group.

3b) But others would be offended if they felt that they would be hit on with any regularity.

4a) Some people would be happy to participate as long as you can schedule an event that is close to their homes. Perhaps even becoming a mainstay.

4b) Others will only attend events at a distance from their town - afraid of being seen in public.

5a) Some want the group to be a full-service shop (munches, socials, play parties, demonstrations, classes, websites, membership cards w/discounts) with rapid growth.

5b) But grow too fast and you'll note on the list of regional groups, "cancelled", "suspended until further notice" and other signs of a crash landing.

6a) Some will be eager to have formalized by-laws, eager to have every contingency thought out and worried about the liability issue.

6b) Others will gag at the thought of any semblance of a corporate structure, let alone rules.

But as some of the board members of the Boston Dungeon Society told me when I got started, "you have to learn to love doing this". And it's true - it can even be fun. I tell people that getting involved in helping your group work (even in a limited capacity) is a growth opportunity.

And if it seems like an impossible task - I am reminded of the remark that Britain's chief of the Army General Staff (Alan Brooke) made in 1944, that I read in my college history class. After hiring a new assistant to help draft plans for the D-Day invasion, the final push on Germany *and* the post-war occupation simultaneously, Brooke told his new hire, "Well there it is; it won't work, of course, but you must bloody well make it work". Indeed.