Are small private groups or cliques within large BDSM groups needed?

When I first got involved in the LifeStyle now over 30 years ago, you had to know someone for many months before you were introduced to other LifeStyle people. In fact, you needed to be close with a member before you even were told there was a group. Even once you were introduced to a group, most folks spent many months before becoming comfortable with you. Things have changed!

Nowadays with the internet new people find us easy. Just by doing a Yahoo or Google search on BDSM in your area or subscribing to a newsletter such as this, you can find groups. So we now have people coming to their first gathering without the benefit of any references or without a trusted member introducing them around and vouching for them. As private people we all have to be very aware that anyone can be welcomed to a munch group, even people with other agendas in mind other than looking for people of like minds to share with. We also need to be very aware that at open events even the smallest amount of information overheard can lead to a person finding out our personal information including complete listing of address, real name and even work information if your workplace has a website. With new technology, we also have to be aware of cell phones with video and picture capabilities and caller ID if we call a new member we do not know well.

New members can also misrepresent themselves about their time and experience in the LifeStyle. The internet is full of BDSM information; if a person is a good study and is willing to spend a few moths learning and chatting online, they in fact can come into an open group and misrepresent their experience in the LifeStyle. This can lead to a false sense of comfort with some new people.

So the dilemma is: as these large local groups gain so many new members fast, how do you secure your group? For some groups it is commonplace to find the leadership forming small cliques so they are able to have play type events. The problem with this type of security is that most of these groups tout that they are open to all folks or collect membership dues to move into higher membership status but in fact to be secure these large groups need to form cliques to protect themselves. The problem is this type of action leaves them open to people feeling the group in fact is lead by the clique. It also makes the membership feel like they have to brown nose to become a part of the clique.

I prefer a group to be up front, and I strongly believe that small private groups or levels within larger groups are a better option, and that the membership should be aware that there are levels, that in order to move forward they either need to have known a member of a few years or carry with them the recommendation of another well known group. Or they need to be active and be known for a set time to move on to the more private types of events. With good guidelines in place and groups paying close attention as to how folks conduct themselves at RT events and online, add to that a strong rule for the length of time before folks are welcomed to play type events. Then the membership has the opportunity to get comfortable with folks and have time to see if what they represent is in fact the truth about themselves.

So in closing, it is my opinion that new people need to spend time getting to know a group and groups need to get to know their new members. Small groups are needed -- your members need to be aware that there is a way to move forward, that their actions and participation in the group are all factors in their acceptance to the more private events. With close scrutiny and a good set of guidelines, we can relax and let our guard down a little bit so we can all have fun with people that are known to be good members of the BDSM LifeStyle.

LB
EPE Dominion