So You’re Out, I Am Not!
Whenever the topic of ‘what is vanilla dress’ comes up and ‘what is the best way
to handle seeing a member outside of a group function’ is discussed on a group,
it is always a hotbed topic. Everyone has an opinion. Here is mine, just one out
of a hundred that can come out in a discussion with so many viewpoints.
A new couple walks into a local pub and as directed asks the bartender where the
computer group is. They get a small smirk and are told over there with the point
of his finger. Being new, the couple decides to sit away from the group to build
up the nerve to walk over. As they check out the group, they notice most the
middle-aged folks dressed in black. They see a 40 something woman in a plaid
short skirt and pigtails kneeling next to a man dressed all in black. They see
an older woman getting a foot massage by a young man, and everyone is wearing
nametags. As they look closer they see a couple of the women have locked cuffs
and a collar on. The pub is in their hometown and is a popular nightspot. A
strong feeling of discomfort falls over them and they exit before someone they
know sees them.
A couple gets involved in their local BDSM group. They are working people: good
jobs, family, a house, and a normal life. But something is missing. They search
online for a local group and find one. They meet some friendly people; sure a
few of the folks seem a bit over the top, but they are told that privacy is the
foremost concern of our group. A few weeks later while at the mall with family
they are approached by an older couple, the man dressed all in black sporting a
BDSM club’s T-shirt and the women in locked cuffs and a collar. They hear, “Hi
Master Bate and Lil’Bit, are you coming to the munch this Saturday?” After a few
short minutes of discomfort the older couple leave. Your family asks why did
they call you Master Bate, Billy? How do you know these people and what is this
munch thing you’re going to?
The scenarios above are not the norm in groups that enforce dress codes at
public venues and make sure new people coming into their group are aware that
there are folks that have jobs or family situations that limit their ability to
express themselves as openly as others. But remember, you need to do your
homework before getting involved in a group. Some groups are all about the
numbers; they educate people about how to flog, but do little to no education in
regards to keeping their fellow members’ membership in a group private.
So for all you people that feel being out does no harm to anyone, please think
hard about how your choice can affect others before you get involved in a group.
And for you group leaders, teaching good SSC play is important, but remember --
we are all our brothers’ keepers and we need to be aware of the members that
have the most to lose. Make sure your members understand the importance of
keeping their fellow members’ involvement quiet.
So for you folks that just don’t get it I have a few words, please pay close
So you’re out, great, you celebrate your lifestyle. Showing off your cuffs and
collar kneeling at your Master’s feet. Showing your obedience 24/7 no matter
where you are. Daddy? Who’s your Daddy? He’s my Daddy. Master may I? Shocking
people is fun, making people think is good, it is my life, I will do as I
please. I live in America, a free nation.
Well the keywords here are you and I. You are out, you have consented to be out.
But the larger picture is in this lifestyle it is all about consent. The larger
parts of this lifestyle are made up of people that for one reason or another
cannot or do not wish to be out.
I am in a 24/7 relationship, and for us we have symbols of our relationship that
are every bit as strong as the collar and cuffs that I have my submissive in at
lifestyle parties and in private. This is a symbol that can be worn anywhere and
keeps our promise to each other between us. There are a few protocols we
practice that may draw a little attention but for the most part would look a
little like I am being a bit demanding or chauvinistic.
So please, I do not consent to being out so do me a favor – remember, if you
want to come to a munch at a public venue and cannot come without full BDSM
regalia, don’t come. If you see me in a mall, at the PTA or the grocery store
and are in full BDSM regalia, just pass by. I will understand and vice versa do
not be upset when I pass you by. We can catch up at the next private party when
YOUR choice will not draw attention to me.
SSC: Safe, Sane and “CONSENSUAL”!