Cheating And How It Can Affect a BDSM Group


This is about cheating and how it can affect a BDSM group and not about how it would affect us on a personal level.

Some folks may think I am paranoid. I don’t think so; I look at life as an ongoing set of experiences bad and good, and I like to try to look ahead and steer clear of the bad ones.

The situations are endless that could arise from being dishonest to a spouse.

Anything can happen when you deceive a person on such a deep and personal level. So many emotions come into play that people can do things they never would if of a level mind.

In my opinion cheating is a large problem, and if a person can carry off being dishonest to the person they live with, for sure they are a damn good liar. How honest do you think they will be to others in this secret part of their life?

I am a bit perplexed that anyone would think that allowing behavior like this might not put a group or themselves in possible danger, that just because a person cannot or will not get their own house in order they should be welcomed with open arms.

I have been witness to people being called into divorce hearings due to child custody issues surrounding Lifestyle issues.

I have heard of disgruntled spouses calling news agencies to out their spouse by outing events they attend.

I know of a person beaten to within an inch of their life due to being wrongly accused of messing with another’s partner and in fact that making the local news that evening. Along with all the nasty little details that surrounded the incident.

In the worst case, does the term ‘going postal’ mean anything.

In life it is best never to think it cannot happen to me. The best we can do is to look ahead and try to head off possible problems.

It must be great to be at a point in life that if this part of our life were to become public, it would not cause any stress. I am not at that point in my life. However, if I was, I still think it is important to take into account the others that surround me and what could happen to them if this very private part of their life were to come out.

In a group setting, it is the group and the big picture we all have to think about when we take or allow actions that could cause the group to be looked at. At any given time there could in fact be people at a munch or gathering that, if their employment were to become aware, would suffer greatly. In these days and times of conservative Christian values running rampant in the USA, more and more companies are having people sign morality clauses. These clauses are open to wide interpretation.

I have said this many times -- we are only as safe and secure as the folks around us. We have to take in account the person in the group that has the most to lose and act accordingly. All people have to be aware of how their actions and the knowledge of other’s actions can affect all people in the group.

It is my opinion that any member that has knowledge of others that are in fact deceiving their partners should actively steer them away from organized BDSM groups, or keep their interactions with them on a private personal level. It would be best to work with them and support them to get their house in order before they are introduced to others and possibility put the group at risk.

2005 for me: as I see things around me in small local communities and somewhat on a national level, society’s views on moral issues are moving backwards.

We had the morally naïve values of the 40’s and 50’s, we then had the openness of the 60’s and 70’s, we then had the baby boomers experimenting and coming into their own in the 80’s and 90’s. The problem as I see it is now we have baby boomers facing the responsibility of raising families in the world of fast-paced lives with access to clear and unrestricted information, wishing life was simpler and society was morally naive as in their youth. I believe we now have a large movement back to the values of the 50’s in government and society. Many people feel they can accomplish this by embracing Fundamentalist Christian Values.

We all have to stay aware of people we are welcoming into BDSM groups with open arms.

EPE Dominion